Addiction

Tobacco
Alcohol
Marijuana
Painkillers
Cocaine
Heroin
Gambling
Sex
Internet/Pornagraphy

These are only a few of the common addictions. We know they are so many more.
Addiction.
I was told by someone we all have one.
Different addictions:
Behavioral Addictions
Exercise
Food/Eating
Shopping
Video games
Sex
The need to flirt

Chemical addiction:
Weed
Alcohol
Nicotine
Cocaine

I do believe we all have something that helps us to stay grounded, for example I have coffee and wine, could I abuse them, absolutely.
Have I?
Absolutely not.
You have to know when it is too much. If you can’t hear that voice in your head saying stop then you need to ask for help, and that’s okay.
I think I have an addiction, it might seem silly to others but for me it’s very much real.
I want affection, respect, and that lust feeling I had shared in my post.
I want someone to want me so bad they can’t think straight, they wake up with me on their mind, they go to sleep trying to picture what I am doing at that moment.
I want someone to crave my touch, my scent, my voice.
I will take a nap in the middle of the day because I need to hear and feel that in my dreams.
When I get my addiction met, I will find another Im sure.
It might be the need to drink water or making sure I put on makeup every time I need to go to the store.
Or it could be the need to please everyone.
Or only eating green veggies.
I guess we all do have some type of addiction, I know mine, what about you?

DiaryofDom

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Doesn’t define Me

This time in my life is so hard
I am struggling with my mental health
I pray, I fast, I been having a lot of alone time with my thoughts

I been struggling with opening up to people
When you look at me I look “normal” but I am not
Far from it.
I have my own demons I struggle with everyday.
I battle self esteem, the lack of affection, my religion, my emotions
My fears, my hopes and dreams.

This lockdown has shown me my mental state.
I have been crying more, angry, fighting depression, staying in bed most of the day, up all night.
I find myself hating the day, or waking up loving it.
I find myself hating the way I look or putting on something sexy.
I either take a walk or take a shower crying.

I either call a friend or a former lover
I want to call my pastor but I don’t know what to say.
I spend time with my kids but then I want to be left alone.
They fight because they can’t go to the movies, to the mall, or even the store.
Im then mad because they are mad.

Then I get mad again because I think about how my love life have turned out, so then I take it out on everyone around me
I become mean to my kids
Distant to my roommates
Screen my calls

Writing out my feelings and connecting to my readers makes me feel more grounded
I still pray, I try everyday to open up to more people.

I try not to be so hard on myself, I am human, I bleed, I get weak
I am telling myself my mental state doesn’t define me today.

DiaryofDom

GFG

You’re a good girl, you’re a good fuckin’ girl
You’re such a good fuckin’ girl, I like the look of her girl, good fuckin’ girl
-Miguel

I get so lonely, I forget what I’m worth.
We get so lonely, we pretend that this works
I’m sorry I’m not more attractive
I’m sorry I’m not more ladylike
I’m sorry I don’t shave my legs at night
I’m sorry I’m not your baby mama
I’m sorry you got karma comin’ to you
I don’t see myself
Why I can’t stay alone just by myself?
Wish I was comfortable just with myself
-SZA

You treat a girl real good that’s probably why I always come.

Fall on your faith like your faith for religion
The light in the way, you’re begging for forgiveness
Lost summers here as we both bathe in sweet sin
Leave it to me, I’ll give you something to believe in
(Kiss me) surrender (kiss me) to friction (kiss me)
This is body language (kiss me) and deep diction (kiss me)
I love it (kiss me), beg for it (kiss me), yeah, yeah, yeah

Tell me what you want
I will do it all the way
Make you scream my name
I, I keep it nice and tight
Boy, relax and let me ride
Do the things we like.

Diaryofdom

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