Letter to Him

Letter to Him

I want to love you

I really do

I can not

I hate that I love you

You made me think I could be different

That I could be the one for you

I hate that I couldn’t be enough for you

My love wasn’t enough

My time wasn’t enough

I gave you my childrens’ heart

I gave you my heart

I wanted to be everything to you, I wanted to be everything for you

I changed my hair for you, I changed my friends for you, I changed myself for you

I cried for you, I cried with you, I cried on you

I also cried because of you

I lifted you and your dreams up, and became your personal cheerleader

I wanted to be your sun, moon, and stars

I wanted to be your light

I wanted to be submissive

I wanted to be obedient to you

I wanted my body, my heart, my smile, my love to be enough for you

Now, I walk around telling myself that I will never love again

I tell myself I will never be good enough for anyone

I tried everything to make you happy

Cooked all your favorite foods

Cleaned for you

I carried your children

When I was weak I still became the strong one for you

I was the one who told you do start your business

I was the one pushing you to reach your talents

I took you back time and time again

You broke my heart so many times but I still made love to you when you wanted it

I let you kiss my lips after you told me a lie

I smiled in pictures even when I cried at night

I told you I loved you even when the love was long gone

I dressed up and still wanted to look good, because you looked good

Other men wanted me and I said no because I made a vow to you

Did you do the same for me?

I didn’t look at other men with lust out of respect for our marriage

Did you do the same for me with those woman?

I found out you had a baby before we had kids together, I thought my life was over

I thought I could never look at you the same

Or trust you the same

I opened my legs and heart to give you the daughter you always wanted

I know that’s why you broke, left me, because I couldn’t give the little girl

I would dream how she would look

Toasted brown skin

Big eyes like yours

Afro curly hair like mine

Just another reason why I couldn’t be the wife you wanted me to be

I was so young, I never seen what it took to be a great wife

I am broken, washed up, used and then thrown away

I don’t know how to be the wife you need me to be.

I need to learn to love myself

I can’t love you until then

I can’t get hurt again, I don’t have anything left in me

Thank you for the two little boys you gave me, for the memories we did create, thank you for the love you did show to this broken little girl, thank you for the fun times we had together, the love making we did share. Thank you for being there by my side when I hit some high stones in my life. Thank you for the laughs we did have.

This is my letter to my two husbands

This is my letter to those beautiful men that changed my life.


Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: