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Mental Awareness for Women Part two

Mental Awareness for Women Part two


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I cried today

Most days I do

Sometimes I would send my sons outside just so I can cry in peace

Or I take a long walk

So I can let it all go

Then wash my face

Then take ten minutes to let the puffy eyes go away, red eyes to fade

I understand crying is healthy

I have heard that millions of times

But, the way I grew up I had to be strong

Emotions are weak

I was instilled that no man would want a weak woman

What if she is only weak because of a broken heart?

I have to be so strong for so many people

But who is strong for me?

Sometimes I need to lean on people

I need a listening ear

A soft shoulder

A warm hug

Being a mother is challenging most times

Being in my 30s is hard

Being a christian is hard

Being someones’ wife is a shit show

Being me is hard

Black people don’t go see a therapist because it’s a unspoken rule

We have a strong drink

Get laid

Have some soul food at grandmas’ house

All better right?

As a person who isn’t a hard drinker

Not having sex

No grandparents

What do I do in my case?

My childhood was a very difficult one

Most of my mental and emotional instability comes from that

Then having a broken heart

I have fought depression because of it

I have to learn how to love myself again

I have to learn that I am not perfect and I will make mistakes

I won’t be able to please everyone.

Trying to keep up with the world is so stressful

If I make two steps the world pushes me back five

I feel like I can never get ahead

I have to hold myself and my sons up

I have to support them

I have to protect my fellow black men now too

I have to make sure they can be the best kings they can be

But, who supports me?

I hide in the bed on my days off to hide from the world

From myself

From being a disappointment to someone

From feeling not enough

Or useless

Who is going to help me fight my demons?

Who is going to tell me I am not useless?

Or feeling like I am enough?

Today I cried because it was a hard day for me

Today I cried because I wasn’t feeling okay

Today I cried because I didn’t feel enough

But, I will try again tomorrow.

DiaryofDom

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