Addiction

Tobacco Alcohol Marijuana Painkillers Cocaine Heroin Gambling Sex Internet/Pornagraphy These are only a few of the common addictions. We know they are so many more. Addiction. I was told by someone we all have one. Different addictions: Behavioral Addictions Exercise Food/Eating Shopping Video games Sex The need to flirt Chemical addiction: Weed Alcohol Nicotine Cocaine I do believe we all have something that helps us to stay grounded, for example I have coffee and wine, could I abuse them, absolutely. Have I? Absolutely not. You have to know when it is too much. If you can’t hear that voice in your head saying stop then you need to ask for help, and that’s okay. I think I have an addiction, it might seem silly to others but for me it’s very much real. I want affection, respect, and that lust feeling I had shared in my post. I want someone to want me so bad they can’t think straight, they wake up with me on their mind, they go to sleep trying to picture what I am doing at that moment. I want someone to crave my touch, my scent, my voice. I will take a nap in the middle of the day because I need to hear and feel that in my dreams. When I get my addiction met, I will find another Im sure. It might be the need to drink water or making sure I put on makeup every time I need to go to the store. Or it could be the need to please everyone. Or only eating green veggies. I guess we all do have some type of addiction, I know mine, what about you? DiaryofDom

Doesn’t define Me

This time in my life is so hard I am struggling with my mental health I pray, I fast, I been having a lot of alone time with my thoughts I been struggling with opening up to people When you look at me I look “normal” but I am not Far from it. I have my own demons I struggle with everyday. I battle self esteem, the lack of affection, my religion, my emotions My fears, my hopes and dreams. This lockdown has shown me my mental state. I have been crying more, angry, fighting depression, staying in bed most of the day, up all night. I find myself hating the day, or waking up loving it. I find myself hating the way I look or putting on something sexy. I either take a walk or take a shower crying. I either call a friend or a former lover I want to call my pastor but I don’t know what to say. I spend time with my kids but then I want to be left alone. They fight because they can’t go to the movies, to the mall, or even the store. Im then mad because they are mad. Then I get mad again because I think about how my love life have turned out, so then I take it out on everyone around me I become mean to my kids Distant to my roommates Screen my calls Writing out my feelings and connecting to my readers makes me feel more grounded I still pray, I try everyday to open up to more people. I try not to be so hard on myself, I am human, I bleed, I get weak I am telling myself my mental state doesn’t define me today. DiaryofDom

GFG

You’re a good girl, you’re a good fuckin’ girl You’re such a good fuckin’ girl, I like the look of her girl, good fuckin’ girl -Miguel I get so lonely, I forget what I’m worth. We get so lonely, we pretend that this works I’m sorry I’m not more attractive I’m sorry I’m not more ladylike I’m sorry I don’t shave my legs at night I’m sorry I’m not your baby mama I’m sorry you got karma comin’ to you I don’t see myself Why I can’t stay alone just by myself? Wish I was comfortable just with myself -SZA You treat a girl real good that’s probably why I always come. Fall on your faith like your faith for religion The light in the way, you’re begging for forgiveness Lost summers here as we both bathe in sweet sin Leave it to me, I’ll give you something to believe in (Kiss me) surrender (kiss me) to friction (kiss me) This is body language (kiss me) and deep diction (kiss me) I love it (kiss me), beg for it (kiss me), yeah, yeah, yeah Tell me what you want I will do it all the way Make you scream my name I, I keep it nice and tight Boy, relax and let me ride Do the things we like. Diaryofdom

Platonic Love

Platonic love takes its name from the famous Classical Greek philosopher, Plato (428/427 or 424/423 – 348/347 BC). Plato wrote about love in his work, the Symposium, a dialogue where the guests of a banquet each gave speeches in honor of the god Eros and debated the true meaning of love. 4 Characteristics Of Platonic Love: A Relationship Of A Different Kind Relationships are a funny thing. They can be heartbreaking. They can be heartwarming. Soul sucking But also a blessing. Relationships are beautiful They can be scary They can be overwhelming Shocking But also life learning. I have had very few intimate relationships but the ones I have had are life learning, heartbreaking, but beautiful. Each one of my relationships have truly brought me something. I loved each one of them before I even knew why. Relationships can be lovers, boyfriends, girlfriends, pets, parents, coworkers, siblings. It is whatever you want it to be. My friendships have always been more complex, never too close but not too far so you can’t depend on me. It’s always been a little mystery with it. Relationships have never been my strong suit. I have always sucked at them, in marriage, as a lover, friendships, even with siblings. I fall short most times, I have been working hard at them but some of them I still can’t get right, and that’s okay. I am learning in relationships, it’s my fault, I’m the problem and I will work on it, not now, but I will. I am building more relationships. I want to build more relationships with people, because they will see the light I have within, so they can say our relationship is a funny thing, beautiful, scary, but heartwarming. DiaryofDom

Lust

Noun: Very strong seual desire. Example: “He knew that his lust for her had returned.” Verb: Have a very strong sexual desire for someone. Example: “ He really lusted after me in those days.” Science of Lust: Lust is driven primarily by the hormones testosterone in men and estrogen in women. Lust occurs across species and may be part of the basic drive to find a partner to spread our genes with. … Injecting men with testosterone makes them desire a potential lover more, but not necessarily fall in love in any lasting way. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201603/the-science-love-and-attachment. Oh, how I wish. It’s a hot, electric feeling to be in lust. Lust makes you feel unstoppable, ungodly strong. Having lust makes you feel even better. Like, a beast is trying to claw out of your body. Having lust is a very natural thing. It shows you how bad you want something or someone. Being in lust is a very dangerous thing. It clouds judgement, makes you irrational, But it also makes you sharper, faster, spontaneous. I want both. I want to be lusted. I want someone to want me so bad they can’t think straight, they find themselves calling someone else my name. I want someone to lust after me, that it makes their mouth water. I want someone who just needs to touch my hand so they can get some satisfaction. Lust isnt always about sex. But, lust goes very well with sex. But, it doesn’t have to just mean intercourse, I want the kind of lust where you find yourself calling me after just seeing me for hours on end. The kind of lust where I touch your lips, my knees shake. Where, I touch your neck, your skin feels on fire. I have to close my eyes, because if I don’t I would ravish you whole. The spark that passes between us is hungry for more. The lust only feeds on the two of us. I want lust that is bottomless, that shows no end. I want it so strong that I have you, but it doesn’t feel like enough. I want to know that my lust for you is not only sexual but emotional as well. If I am weak, you can’t stand. If I am aroused, you crave my touch. Even when we are intoxicated from each other’s soul we still need more. DiaryofDom

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