Doesn’t define Me

This time in my life is so hard
I am struggling with my mental health
I pray, I fast, I been having a lot of alone time with my thoughts

I been struggling with opening up to people
When you look at me I look โ€œnormalโ€ but I am not
Far from it.
I have my own demons I struggle with everyday.
I battle self esteem, the lack of affection, my religion, my emotions
My fears, my hopes and dreams.

This lockdown has shown me my mental state.
I have been crying more, angry, fighting depression, staying in bed most of the day, up all night.
I find myself hating the day, or waking up loving it.
I find myself hating the way I look or putting on something sexy.
I either take a walk or take a shower crying.

I either call a friend or a former lover
I want to call my pastor but I don’t know what to say.
I spend time with my kids but then I want to be left alone.
They fight because they can’t go to the movies, to the mall, or even the store.
Im then mad because they are mad.

Then I get mad again because I think about how my love life have turned out, so then I take it out on everyone around me
I become mean to my kids
Distant to my roommates
Screen my calls

Writing out my feelings and connecting to my readers makes me feel more grounded
I still pray, I try everyday to open up to more people.

I try not to be so hard on myself, I am human, I bleed, I get weak
I am telling myself my mental state doesn’t define me today.

DiaryofDom

Published by

DiaryofDom

Dominique is a outgoing person who loves life, and learning about it everyday. As a part time writer, she loves all genres of books, doing research, and loves to cook. Her many addictions would be coffee, wine, chocolate, and tattoos. In her website she talks about many topics from, fashion, relationships, love, sex, religion, food, and many more. Let's become friends to learn more about her!

3 thoughts on “Doesn’t define Me

  1. Lockdown has definitely made me have to reflect more as I also have struggled with what you described in this post.

Leave a Reply