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My thoughts

My thoughts

All I know is to be a wife.
I have been married since I was 19.
I have had a husband all my life.

I have never truly been alone
Or been on my own
I have never truly dated because I dated to get married
My last husband we dated for over three years before we got married
In that 6 months I was doing everything a wife would do.

I never gave myself time to heal after my first husband
I should have waited
Now I’m not with my second husband
So I need to heal

I was taught at a young age to become a man’s wife, have his children
Make him happy
Cook his food
Clean the house

Nothing in that said fall in love first

It’s hard to truly love a man when you don’t have a father to be your first love
It’s hard to love a man when he truly doesn’t love you

Someone told me I use my husbands as a replacement for the love I never gotten from a father

Ouch

But it’s true
Oh so true.

I gave them a role they shouldn’t have to have
They shouldn’t have to do it.

Someone also said to me that I pick men because they have mommy issues

Didn’t see it that way
They found me because I wanted to be a wife and I found them so I can do things for them.

Wow so messed up.

Who were the lucky ones here?

Diaryofdom

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