Letter to Him

I want to love you I really do I can not I hate that I love you You made me think I could be different That I could be the one for you I hate that I couldn’t be enough for you My love wasn’t enough My time wasn’t enough I gave you my childrens’ heart I gave you my heart I wanted to be everything to you, I wanted to be everything for you I changed my hair for you, I changed my friends for you, I changed myself for you I cried for you, I cried with you, I cried on you I also cried because of you I lifted you and your dreams up, and became your personal cheerleader I wanted to be your sun, moon, and stars I wanted to be your light I wanted to be submissive I wanted to be obedient to you I wanted my body, my heart, my smile, my love to be enough for you Now, I walk around telling myself that I will never love again I tell myself I will never be good enough for anyone I tried everything to make you happy Cooked all your favorite foods Cleaned for you I carried your children When I was weak I still became the strong one for you I was the one who told you do start your business I was the one pushing you to reach your talents I took you back time and time again You broke my heart so many times but I still made love to you when you wanted it I let you kiss my lips after you told me a lie I smiled in pictures even when I cried at night I told you I loved you even when the love was long gone I dressed up and still wanted to look good, because you looked good Other men wanted me and I said no because I made a vow to you Did you do the same for me? I didn’t look at other men with lust out of respect for our marriage Did you do the same for me with those woman? I found out you had a baby before we had kids together, I thought my life was over I thought I could never look at you the same Or trust you the same I opened my legs and heart to give you the daughter you always wanted I know that’s why you broke, left me, because I couldn’t give the little girl I would dream how she would look Toasted brown skin Big eyes like yours Afro curly hair like mine Just another reason why I couldn’t be the wife you wanted me to be I was so young, I never seen what it took to be a great wife I am broken, washed up, used and then thrown away I don’t know how to be the wife you need me to be. I need to learn to love myself I can’t love you until then I can’t get hurt again, I don’t have anything left in me Thank you for the two little boys you gave me, for the memories we did create, thank you for the love you did show to this broken little girl, thank you for the fun times we had together, the love making we did share. Thank you for being there by my side when I hit some high stones in my life. Thank you for the laughs we did have. This is my letter to my two husbands This is my letter to those beautiful men that changed my life. DiaryofDom

He wants me, he wants me, not yet

Her heart beats so fast when he looks at her She doesn’t just see lust, there is something else there She can’t look away, she doesn’t want to either He tells her he doesn’t know what is his favorite part on her body Her brain Her feet Her eyes Her smile He touches her so softy and yet with a firmness she has never felt before She is intoxicated with it He likes to rub on the back of her neck, under her hairline, behind her ears One handed He rubs her there while watching tv, like his hand belongs there Like he know she likes it, even though she has never told him He loves rubbing her feet, playing with her toes, telling her how cute her nail polish looks She has a scar on her right foot where she had to get work done on her big toe He loves to stare at it He loves to rub that scar He loves to kiss it and tell her she has the most beautiful feet he has ever seen When she is falls asleep, she can hear him saying how much he looks up to her How she is so strong after being hurt How she is so brave She can feel his eyes on her, smiling, she can feel the lust, the love, the admiration His hand rubs her side, up and down her arm, on the top of her shoulder She can hear him say she is the most beautiful woman he has ever laid eyes on. She has to close her heart to anyone who comes close because she is afraid of getting hurt She wants to be loved again but knows it takes time and healing. There is a little light at the end of her tunnel. She doesn’t walk towards it but she does stand there and feel the warmth that comes from it. He wants her but he knows she is broken, hurt and in need of time to heal. He sees her flaws and loves them He sees she needs a listening ear and a shoulder, he won’t push her She sees she is wanted but needs time She sees he wants her but won’t get her, yet. DiaryofDom

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