Pleasing

“People pleasers try to nourish other people without adequately nourishing themselves. We all know the line they say on airplanes, it’s become cliche: before helping anyone else put on their oxygen mask, put on your own. But this is as true in our emotional lives as it is in airplane safety. When we try to help others without actually being supportive of ourselves, we all end up running out of oxygen”. How Does People Pleasing Negatively Affect Your Mental Health?   I try to please everyone I try hard to make people happy I don’t like when people are disappointed in me People have no problem being mad at me Or disappointing me Or letting me down I feel like it’s always my fault I blame myself I beat myself up about it I will own up to my faults I will apologize I make amends Who makes me happy? Who tries to please me? Who tries to not make me upset? I work hard at being a good friend Sister Mother Lover Daughter Who is going to do that for me? If I am upset I keep it to myself If I need to cry I do it alone If I am frustrated then I hide it If you hurt me I say sorry If you are mean, I tell you it’s my fault My roommates said some hurtful things to me, I felt like they ganged up on me It was a situation that was out of my control They said I was selfish Inconsiderate I have never been called those names in my adult years I ended up telling them I am sorry That I will do better I am fixing the problem I didn’t create I cried to them I cried alone I didn’t want them mad at me, I didn’t want to let them down I try to be whatever people need me to be, but people don’t do the same for me. I don’t ask much from people, I don’t ask my roommates for anything They don’t ask me if I’m okay today or if I need anything I stay to myself In my own little world Being a mother At work In my room In my bed Always writing Reading Crying I don’t like letting people down I always try to be the person they need me to be Even if it makes me uncomfortable I try to be the person who gave you a smile A laugh A shoulder Listening ear It’s a good quality to have as a person right? I bend myself for people but do people do the same? I’m always going to be a pleaser It’s one of my greatest qualities But when is enough, enough?   DiaryofDom

Mental Awareness for Women Part two

I cried today Most days I do Sometimes I would send my sons outside just so I can cry in peace Or I take a long walk So I can let it all go Then wash my face Then take ten minutes to let the puffy eyes go away, red eyes to fade I understand crying is healthy I have heard that millions of times But, the way I grew up I had to be strong Emotions are weak I was instilled that no man would want a weak woman What if she is only weak because of a broken heart? I have to be so strong for so many people But who is strong for me? Sometimes I need to lean on people I need a listening ear A soft shoulder A warm hug Being a mother is challenging most times Being in my 30s is hard Being a christian is hard Being someones’ wife is a shit show Being me is hard Black people don’t go see a therapist because it’s a unspoken rule We have a strong drink Get laid Have some soul food at grandmas’ house All better right? As a person who isn’t a hard drinker Not having sex No grandparents What do I do in my case? My childhood was a very difficult one Most of my mental and emotional instability comes from that Then having a broken heart I have fought depression because of it I have to learn how to love myself again I have to learn that I am not perfect and I will make mistakes I won’t be able to please everyone. Trying to keep up with the world is so stressful If I make two steps the world pushes me back five I feel like I can never get ahead I have to hold myself and my sons up I have to support them I have to protect my fellow black men now too I have to make sure they can be the best kings they can be But, who supports me? I hide in the bed on my days off to hide from the world From myself From being a disappointment to someone From feeling not enough Or useless Who is going to help me fight my demons? Who is going to tell me I am not useless? Or feeling like I am enough? Today I cried because it was a hard day for me Today I cried because I wasn’t feeling okay Today I cried because I didn’t feel enough But, I will try again tomorrow. DiaryofDom

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