Mental Awareness for Women Part two

I cried today
Most days I do
Sometimes I would send my sons outside just so I can cry in peace
Or I take a long walk
So I can let it all go
Then wash my face
Then take ten minutes to let the puffy eyes go away, red eyes to fade
I understand crying is healthy
I have heard that millions of times
But, the way I grew up I had to be strong
Emotions are weak
I was instilled that no man would want a weak woman
What if she is only weak because of a broken heart?

I have to be so strong for so many people
But who is strong for me?
Sometimes I need to lean on people
I need a listening ear
A soft shoulder
A warm hug

Being a mother is challenging most times
Being in my 30s is hard
Being a christian is hard
Being someones’ wife is a shit show
Being me is hard

Black people don’t go see a therapist because it’s a unspoken rule
We have a strong drink
Get laid
Have some soul food at grandmas’ house
All better right?

As a person who isn’t a hard drinker
Not having sex
No grandparents
What do I do in my case?

My childhood was a very difficult one
Most of my mental and emotional instability comes from that
Then having a broken heart
I have fought depression because of it
I have to learn how to love myself again
I have to learn that I am not perfect and I will make mistakes
I won’t be able to please everyone.

Trying to keep up with the world is so stressful
If I make two steps the world pushes me back five
I feel like I can never get ahead
I have to hold myself and my sons up
I have to support them
I have to protect my fellow black men now too
I have to make sure they can be the best kings they can be
But, who supports me?

I hide in the bed on my days off to hide from the world
From myself
From being a disappointment to someone
From feeling not enough
Or useless

Who is going to help me fight my demons?
Who is going to tell me I am not useless?
Or feeling like I am enough?

Today I cried because it was a hard day for me
Today I cried because I wasn’t feeling okay
Today I cried because I didn’t feel enough
But, I will try again tomorrow.

DiaryofDom

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DiaryofDom

Dominique is a outgoing person who loves life, and learning about it everyday. As a part time writer, she loves all genres of books, doing research, and loves to cook. Her many addictions would be coffee, wine, chocolate, and tattoos. In her website she talks about many topics from, fashion, relationships, love, sex, religion, food, and many more. Let's become friends to learn more about her!

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