Why I stopped taking the bare minimum

She found her worth then multiplied

Raw

Raw “The more accepting we are of simply being human, the easier it is for us to accept our emotions and others, too. When we find love in ourselves and project it out into the universe and those around us, that’s being raw. Discover who you are as a person and share it with others fearlessly”. Dom Nikki D DP Succubus Coffee love Wine adventurer Dominique I go by many names Whatever you in the mood for I say what I want I do what I like I don’t care what you have to say I don’t care what you think In this state in my life I am learning to love the skin I am in I am loving who I am becoming as a whole I am embracing my looks My body My moods My habits While forming new ones Don’t mistaken I am a very sweet, nice person I love people I would do whatever I can for you But, I can be cut throat As I am changing, I am wearing my heart on my sleeve I am showing my likes and dislikes I am more raw Each of my tattoos are either a word or symbols Japanese: live, laugh, love Love, peace, serenity Coffee cup Semicolon w/cross Eagle Plain cross Wine glass w/half woman face 20 piercings I don’t believe in falling in love I believe you love someone or you don’t I will never give a man my whole heart again I have no plans on getting married again I am not into impressing anyone for likes or attention I am not here to fit in I love to stand out I like not fitting into a group, I want to make my own group What makes me the same as others is that I bleed red I have feelings I hurt I like to hang out I like to eat I like to laugh I miss smiling under these darn mask My favorite nail polish is navy blue and black I love black I am a Goth I am a girly girl I drink UNGODLY amounts of coffee I love my wine I have a crazy amount of sex appel I’m indifferent on pain, I don’t hate it but only enjoy it in small doses It makes me feel alive, human, less numb My best friend is my ex husband I can’t bake But I am one hell of a cook I share a lot but still never enough My goal is to always be a true and real with myself, so I can give that to others Do you get that feeling like you are not enough for people but yet too much? I feel like I get too real for people I give people so much of my emotions I can only be me Raw Real Truthful Unapologetically DiaryofDom

Metamorphosis

Noun: (in an insect or amphibian) the process of transformation from an immature form to an adult form in two or more distinct stages. a change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one, by natural or supernatural means. She is forever changing She is not the same girl I’m glad she is changing Her strength Her bravery Her future is bright She is unstoppable She is a unique person Her soul is pure Her smile is genuine Her mind is exquisite Her body is different She is shedding her old self to become reborn She is cleaning all the broken and worn down things in her life Everything that is toxic Things that do not make her smile everyday All the hurt she has carried All the bitterness that she holds She will no longer be holding on to sadness Animosity Jealousy She will no longer be that girl who lived in fear Who lived always looking over her shoulder Who felt like she wasn’t good enough Her broken heart is healing The little pieces she thought couldn’t be fixed is repairable No person Place Or thing will tell her what she can or can not do with her power She will not be defined by a husband, boyfriend, because those things are no longer important No man will tear her down and belittle her existence She will no longer look to men for validation She will dress how she wants She will do her hair that she feels looks good She will no longer let her self esteem hunt her She answers to no one She is free from all rules that anyone puts on her She is in self control She tells life where she wants to go She goes where so wants to and shows up when she is ready Her style is defined on what she wants to show you not by what someone likes her in Her voice will be used when she wants you to hear her not when you tell her to speak She is changing into someone she wants you to see The old her, has played the same song and dance and now her new self will rise and be free Her new self is stronger Vigilant Bold Sexy Relentless She is a badass because she is making herself a badass Her life, her rules, and no one is going to question her The old her was a butterfly Now, something still beautiful, but still uncompleted, she is more like a dragonfly Her change isn’t done Not yet. DiaryofDom

Pleasing

“People pleasers try to nourish other people without adequately nourishing themselves. We all know the line they say on airplanes, it’s become cliche: before helping anyone else put on their oxygen mask, put on your own. But this is as true in our emotional lives as it is in airplane safety. When we try to help others without actually being supportive of ourselves, we all end up running out of oxygen”. How Does People Pleasing Negatively Affect Your Mental Health?   I try to please everyone I try hard to make people happy I don’t like when people are disappointed in me People have no problem being mad at me Or disappointing me Or letting me down I feel like it’s always my fault I blame myself I beat myself up about it I will own up to my faults I will apologize I make amends Who makes me happy? Who tries to please me? Who tries to not make me upset? I work hard at being a good friend Sister Mother Lover Daughter Who is going to do that for me? If I am upset I keep it to myself If I need to cry I do it alone If I am frustrated then I hide it If you hurt me I say sorry If you are mean, I tell you it’s my fault My roommates said some hurtful things to me, I felt like they ganged up on me It was a situation that was out of my control They said I was selfish Inconsiderate I have never been called those names in my adult years I ended up telling them I am sorry That I will do better I am fixing the problem I didn’t create I cried to them I cried alone I didn’t want them mad at me, I didn’t want to let them down I try to be whatever people need me to be, but people don’t do the same for me. I don’t ask much from people, I don’t ask my roommates for anything They don’t ask me if I’m okay today or if I need anything I stay to myself In my own little world Being a mother At work In my room In my bed Always writing Reading Crying I don’t like letting people down I always try to be the person they need me to be Even if it makes me uncomfortable I try to be the person who gave you a smile A laugh A shoulder Listening ear It’s a good quality to have as a person right? I bend myself for people but do people do the same? I’m always going to be a pleaser It’s one of my greatest qualities But when is enough, enough?   DiaryofDom

Mental Awareness for Women Part two

I cried today Most days I do Sometimes I would send my sons outside just so I can cry in peace Or I take a long walk So I can let it all go Then wash my face Then take ten minutes to let the puffy eyes go away, red eyes to fade I understand crying is healthy I have heard that millions of times But, the way I grew up I had to be strong Emotions are weak I was instilled that no man would want a weak woman What if she is only weak because of a broken heart? I have to be so strong for so many people But who is strong for me? Sometimes I need to lean on people I need a listening ear A soft shoulder A warm hug Being a mother is challenging most times Being in my 30s is hard Being a christian is hard Being someones’ wife is a shit show Being me is hard Black people don’t go see a therapist because it’s a unspoken rule We have a strong drink Get laid Have some soul food at grandmas’ house All better right? As a person who isn’t a hard drinker Not having sex No grandparents What do I do in my case? My childhood was a very difficult one Most of my mental and emotional instability comes from that Then having a broken heart I have fought depression because of it I have to learn how to love myself again I have to learn that I am not perfect and I will make mistakes I won’t be able to please everyone. Trying to keep up with the world is so stressful If I make two steps the world pushes me back five I feel like I can never get ahead I have to hold myself and my sons up I have to support them I have to protect my fellow black men now too I have to make sure they can be the best kings they can be But, who supports me? I hide in the bed on my days off to hide from the world From myself From being a disappointment to someone From feeling not enough Or useless Who is going to help me fight my demons? Who is going to tell me I am not useless? Or feeling like I am enough? Today I cried because it was a hard day for me Today I cried because I wasn’t feeling okay Today I cried because I didn’t feel enough But, I will try again tomorrow. DiaryofDom

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