Dom, nothing simple about that

Don’t expect more from me then I am willing to give I’m problematic I am stressful I have high expectations I give you what I think you deserve I give you my time as a treat When YOU THINK YOU deserve more, I pull back on my treats I am a gift to you My affection Acknowledgment Those are things you have to earn My time with you should be treated like a blessing I am in a stage in my life where your energy is useful or harmful I am going to feed off you You will do the same We are not going to put things in our body that is harmful Things that will make us feel bad? Make us sick? Your energy is fuel Are you going to satisfy my soul? I am looking for people who will add to my dreams and hopes Not my nightmares Not my fears Nor my demons I am still finding myself I am still trying to understand who I am I am finding happiness in myself Not from a noun I need you to understand that I am a complex creature I have traumas that I am working out Triggers Insecurities I have demons that haunt me Rocking with me, you will see some I will share some of them with you if I feel like you can handle them I am not trying to bring my traumas into serious relationships I am not looking for someone to save me I am not looking for anyone to fix me I am not looking for anyone to solve me I am looking for a friend to be by my side Someone I can cook with Laugh with Walk around Target with Someone to tell me I am pretty Someone to tell me my booty look good You know, simple things If you not ready to ride on my ship I am throwing you over board DiaryofDom

Raw

Raw “The more accepting we are of simply being human, the easier it is for us to accept our emotions and others, too. When we find love in ourselves and project it out into the universe and those around us, that’s being raw. Discover who you are as a person and share it with others fearlessly”. Dom Nikki D DP Succubus Coffee love Wine adventurer Dominique I go by many names Whatever you in the mood for I say what I want I do what I like I don’t care what you have to say I don’t care what you think In this state in my life I am learning to love the skin I am in I am loving who I am becoming as a whole I am embracing my looks My body My moods My habits While forming new ones Don’t mistaken I am a very sweet, nice person I love people I would do whatever I can for you But, I can be cut throat As I am changing, I am wearing my heart on my sleeve I am showing my likes and dislikes I am more raw Each of my tattoos are either a word or symbols Japanese: live, laugh, love Love, peace, serenity Coffee cup Semicolon w/cross Eagle Plain cross Wine glass w/half woman face 20 piercings I don’t believe in falling in love I believe you love someone or you don’t I will never give a man my whole heart again I have no plans on getting married again I am not into impressing anyone for likes or attention I am not here to fit in I love to stand out I like not fitting into a group, I want to make my own group What makes me the same as others is that I bleed red I have feelings I hurt I like to hang out I like to eat I like to laugh I miss smiling under these darn mask My favorite nail polish is navy blue and black I love black I am a Goth I am a girly girl I drink UNGODLY amounts of coffee I love my wine I have a crazy amount of sex appel I’m indifferent on pain, I don’t hate it but only enjoy it in small doses It makes me feel alive, human, less numb My best friend is my ex husband I can’t bake But I am one hell of a cook I share a lot but still never enough My goal is to always be a true and real with myself, so I can give that to others Do you get that feeling like you are not enough for people but yet too much? I feel like I get too real for people I give people so much of my emotions I can only be me Raw Real Truthful Unapologetically DiaryofDom

Metamorphosis

Noun: (in an insect or amphibian) the process of transformation from an immature form to an adult form in two or more distinct stages. a change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one, by natural or supernatural means. She is forever changing She is not the same girl I’m glad she is changing Her strength Her bravery Her future is bright She is unstoppable She is a unique person Her soul is pure Her smile is genuine Her mind is exquisite Her body is different She is shedding her old self to become reborn She is cleaning all the broken and worn down things in her life Everything that is toxic Things that do not make her smile everyday All the hurt she has carried All the bitterness that she holds She will no longer be holding on to sadness Animosity Jealousy She will no longer be that girl who lived in fear Who lived always looking over her shoulder Who felt like she wasn’t good enough Her broken heart is healing The little pieces she thought couldn’t be fixed is repairable No person Place Or thing will tell her what she can or can not do with her power She will not be defined by a husband, boyfriend, because those things are no longer important No man will tear her down and belittle her existence She will no longer look to men for validation She will dress how she wants She will do her hair that she feels looks good She will no longer let her self esteem hunt her She answers to no one She is free from all rules that anyone puts on her She is in self control She tells life where she wants to go She goes where so wants to and shows up when she is ready Her style is defined on what she wants to show you not by what someone likes her in Her voice will be used when she wants you to hear her not when you tell her to speak She is changing into someone she wants you to see The old her, has played the same song and dance and now her new self will rise and be free Her new self is stronger Vigilant Bold Sexy Relentless She is a badass because she is making herself a badass Her life, her rules, and no one is going to question her The old her was a butterfly Now, something still beautiful, but still uncompleted, she is more like a dragonfly Her change isn’t done Not yet. DiaryofDom

Pleasing

“People pleasers try to nourish other people without adequately nourishing themselves. We all know the line they say on airplanes, it’s become cliche: before helping anyone else put on their oxygen mask, put on your own. But this is as true in our emotional lives as it is in airplane safety. When we try to help others without actually being supportive of ourselves, we all end up running out of oxygen”. How Does People Pleasing Negatively Affect Your Mental Health?   I try to please everyone I try hard to make people happy I don’t like when people are disappointed in me People have no problem being mad at me Or disappointing me Or letting me down I feel like it’s always my fault I blame myself I beat myself up about it I will own up to my faults I will apologize I make amends Who makes me happy? Who tries to please me? Who tries to not make me upset? I work hard at being a good friend Sister Mother Lover Daughter Who is going to do that for me? If I am upset I keep it to myself If I need to cry I do it alone If I am frustrated then I hide it If you hurt me I say sorry If you are mean, I tell you it’s my fault My roommates said some hurtful things to me, I felt like they ganged up on me It was a situation that was out of my control They said I was selfish Inconsiderate I have never been called those names in my adult years I ended up telling them I am sorry That I will do better I am fixing the problem I didn’t create I cried to them I cried alone I didn’t want them mad at me, I didn’t want to let them down I try to be whatever people need me to be, but people don’t do the same for me. I don’t ask much from people, I don’t ask my roommates for anything They don’t ask me if I’m okay today or if I need anything I stay to myself In my own little world Being a mother At work In my room In my bed Always writing Reading Crying I don’t like letting people down I always try to be the person they need me to be Even if it makes me uncomfortable I try to be the person who gave you a smile A laugh A shoulder Listening ear It’s a good quality to have as a person right? I bend myself for people but do people do the same? I’m always going to be a pleaser It’s one of my greatest qualities But when is enough, enough?   DiaryofDom

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